Friday, March 20, 2015

How to Steal Your Man

Photo from: Google

Standing at 5.8 feet tall; the ever beautiful Pelumi Grace. Pelumi isn’t just any beautiful woman with some features to make a man crawl to her feet; she has everything. Make no mistake that ‘everything’ includes an exceptionally intelligent brain. Graced with a glowing dark, rich complexion, in fact, Pelumi was often bullied back in school for her chocolate skin color. Guys who’d been brainwashed to think that the fairer skin tone was light and life saw her as the outcast. Fast-forward too many years later, these same men are the ones now dying to have a piece of Pelumi’s dark chocolate skin melt before them. Pelumi was also blessed with brown hazel eyes that make men who have come close enough to stare in them confused. She only needs to bat her long lashes to further create sweat beads to flood the faces of these men. With a long neck that carries her small rounded head, and high cheekbones to complement her gorgeous face, without knowing her personally, one would think she was a model brought straight out from a magazine cover. But you see, Pelumi likes her ‘Eba and Egusi,’ her ‘Akara,’ and her high fat calories meals.

She often says that what defines her beauty isn’t was she carries behind her, nor what she carries in front of her, but rather, it’s her ability to intimidate any man she believes make's her beautiful. She doesn’t hate men. She isn’t one of those feminist who hang signs in front of their cars, clearly telling men to stay off although people seem to think she is. The main point is this: Pelumi loves men. She loves the whole ideal man description: High testosterone levels, muscularity to the greatest order and the broad-shoulders-no-emotion sort of man. 

That’s the label that has been placed on men but after watching the amazing Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie speak at a conference one evening, Pelumi soon realized what these men haven’t figured out just yet: They have been caged in, told to be afraid of fear and never show too many emotions and if or when they break these outrageous standards placed on them, they are women instead.

So what defines a woman? When Pelumi first started high school, she told her mother not to use chemical perming products on her hair. She was tired of the burns that came after. But her mother was furious with her. She said a girl like her who was just about stepping into her teenage years should never have to worry about ‘nappy-untidy’ hair issues. But Pelumi had a mind of her own. Her friends would make fun of her tight curls that never seemed to fall after three years of growing them out, but even that didn’t bother Pelumi. She knew that given some more years, she would never have to worry about the wigs and weave her friends used as disguise. She would have a full head of beautiful hair.

While her friends worried about keeping their young budding romance at age seventeen and trying not to become pregnant in the process, Pelumi was at her school’s library, studying her ass off. She had a goal in mind, not telling anyone who crossed her path. She believed that it would speak for itself once she succeeds. And truly, ten years later, Pelumi has arrived.

The Present

Hi guys, my name is Pelumi Grace. You're welcome to stay and listen to my ramblings. I don’t like to talk much so I'll just go straight to my talk for today. I just got my master’s in business not too long ago, and now, I own a multimillion naira company located in Nigeria. Many people don't know that that company is owned by a woman, not just any woman, but this woman. I have various concerns and I'm about to make many women frown in a minute. Just give me a minute to wipe off this make up, okay?

15 Minutes Later… 

Alright, that was fast. Now, here we go. 

I’ll just bend this camera over a little bit. 

Okay! I think we’re set. 

So last week, I caught a new female employee trying to seduce my manager for a job position. She claimed that that was the only thing left to do since her degree could no longer speak for her. I get so depressed when I see these women who come for job interviews succumb to the lust in their male employer’s eyes.

The other day, a friend of mine declined the promotion I offered her. Her reason was: I can't accept it Pelumi, Lanre has been looking for a job for a year now and if I should go home with news of this promotion, I fear he might not like it. And so I gave the promotion to another woman who knew her worth. Now, I'm tired of seeing women make goals but then they are always cautious not to outshine their brothers, boyfriends, and husbands. I'm frustrated with seeing beautiful women make themselves so small in order to please a man. Lowering their standards has now become the most valued way they can show love to the opposite sex.

Last week, Linda bought a new bleaching product. She swore that it was for her face acne but her whole body has drastically changed. Her excuse: He likes light skinned women ‘jare,’ and if there's a way I can give him that, why not? I'm so tired of seeing women having to temper with their beautiful skin color in order to shine like the sun, seriously, do you want him blind? 

And for those women who have spent the better half of their short lives feigning an appearance that will keep him by your side, I am here to steal that same man from you with one truth: Realness. Yes, that's all women need. If he cannot accept you with those stubborn pimples they promised would go away after puberty, then he doesn’t deserve you. And if you keep wearing these masks of heavy makeups in order to hide you, you don’t deserve him. Brainwashing him isn’t what’s going to keep him because like my good friend once said, the morning will surly come and all your imperfections will be let out, will he be able to see these imperfections as nothing less perfect? But of course if you’re the kind who likes to hide your cover girl foundation in your bed cabinet, you’ve got nothing to worry about.

Ladies and gentlemen, I’m not here to preach to you about the same old things that you haven’t learned from, I am simply here to break every norms and every labels that has made it impossible for men and women to coexist as equals. 

But guys, I’m sorry but I have to go now. If you enjoyed this section, kindly request for more and if you did not, that’s fine too, the truth shall set us all free.

Adios...

11 comments:

  1. 'I am tired of women having to bleach their skins in order to shine like the sun, seriously, do you want him blind?' Nothing could be more real. Your creativity is fascinating.

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    1. Thank youAde. Such a pleasure to read your comment.

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  3. Peace Peace!!!! I'm almost running out of comments.. You sure know how to keep me glued to my phone

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    1. hehehehe... how can someone rn out of comments? lol... please refill yourself o. Thanks always Bunmie for reading.

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  4. I am tired of seeing women make goals, but then they are always cautious not to outshine their brothers, boyfriends, and husbands. I am frustrated with seeing beautiful women make themselves so small in order to please a man. I am tired of women having to bleach their skins in order to shine like the sun, seriously, do you want him blind?
    Those lines totally got me! Im as tired as u are, if not more

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    1. Its really nice to hear another female voice out these same worries. We will get better in time, we just have to believe that we are beautiful no matter what. Thanks Betty!

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  5. Please where is the like button. Another great piece from a great personality. I got ur back miss...kip it up

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  6. They have been caged in, told to be afraid of fear and never show too many emotions and if or when they break these outrageous standards placed on them, they are women instead. Not your words but it spoke directly to me,Thanks for this compelling story.kudos dear

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  7. Normally, I jus read pples write up n ex but this was an awesome write up; I jus had to comment...weldone babe!!! am glad I followed u on ig and clicked the link on ur bio...am not gonna be sooo bored @ work again *dancing*

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  8. *thumbs up* I've lost my writing mojo. Hope to get it back soon..Work n all..

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Thank you guys for always reading,