Monday, March 23, 2015

Who Am I Without You?- Part 1

For days, I kept trying to get a hold of Bolu thinking that maybe this was a prank or some sick joke. Everything about him was erased from our house. It was as if he was never there, and I was living in this fantasy life alone. My dad’s funeral day came. I told everyone Bolu was off on a very important business trip, and was unable to make it. I could hear some of my friend’s whispers, “Maybe there’s trouble in paradise.” Oh, they were right; there was trouble in my paradise. 

When I got home from the funeral, I had divorce papers waiting for me at my door step. To think he would at least show some niceness and not put all these pressure on me was an understatement. I held the papers in my hands and thought to myself, “So all the rumors were true after all.” I was never the kind to argue so I never pushed on the issues because I didn't to upset him. Bolu promised me forever. I didn’t even want to believe what was going on. I thought we were fine. He came home every night and at a decent time, our sex life was great, and never once did I hear him complain. So what in the world made him do this to me

I loved him in every way I possibly could. I kept the house clean for him and gave him a healthy son. I lived my life through his eyes. Where did I ever go wrong? I was so sick and frustrated with myself. I remembered how I joined his family to look for money for him to attend the university. I stole from my parents who were barely making ends meet. I sold every valuable thing I had just so he would have enough money to fund his admission process. What is going to happen to me now? 

I searched around our house for documents on our properties which he kept well hidden. Did I even have a right to anything? He never allowed me to work. I was so comfortable in the life he made for me. I did not have any body to run to.  Friends would laugh at me. They’d already started laughing since the rumors were flying around that he was cheating. On the day we were asked to come to court, I saw a young lady standing next to him; standing next to my man. She was fair in complexion; her body was that of a girl pulled out from a magazine cover; she was perfect. When she spoke, one could easily tell she was from a wealthy family. She moved around comfortably in her own skin. It made me wonder if this was what I was missing in my life. But what really bothered me was the fact that he even had the guts to bring her to court. 

They both watched as his lawyers screamed at me. Oh, they were very good. They made me feel so stupid for never going to school, and starting a life of my own. They said I was just like every other Nigerian girl; where we see there is money, we never want to leave. Bolu testified to the fact that I’d never ever worked a day in my life. Everything I had was handed to me by him. I wanted to scream at him, “Why did you not let me go back to school then?”  If this was the problem then it would have been easily settled. I just wanted someone in that room to explain to me why we were there. What reasons did Bolu really have for wanting to leave me?

The divorce took longer than expected. During those days of waiting, I kept up hope that maybe he would come back to his senses and fix all this. He never once thought about what this would do to our child. How would I explain to our son  that daddy will not be coming home to play with him again? I was hurt each day when our little boy stood in front of our bedroom expecting daddy to take him to school but that never happened. One day, Dare asked me, “Mom, is daddy ever coming back?” I was shocked as to why he would even think about something like that. I realized my effort at trying to not get him involved in all this was impossible.  The judge had told me in capital letters that if I did not look for a job within the next five months, I would lose my child too. 

My mom could not believe what was going on. Her biggest worry was that she'd lost a very wealthy son in-law. There was absolutely no one on my side. One Friday at a super market, I saw Bolu. There was another person by his side. When the lady who was with turned around, my heart dropped. It was the same girl he’d brought along with him to court. The most shocking part was that she was pregnant. She had to have been already pregnant while I was still married to Bolu. Bolu was planning a new family, what about the one he left behind? They saw me and just kept walking as if I was a stranger. Bolu did not even give me a second glance.

I had finally had enough!


  1. Now this is Nasty! Why won't she work? Who does that? Why won't she be educated? The way some women think tho!!!

    1. Bunmie, how did I miss this comment? Honey women like security. and once we find that place where there is money, wemakeit our home forgetting that we own nothing! and this is what happens when the owner comes to claim.

    2. Am sorry I kind of don't blame her yes she should have worked but it seems she married really young and it was at an era where mums were homemakers. That in itself is alot of work, am sorry the man is to blame IMO he should have parted ways with her maturely


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