Friday, November 4, 2016

A Lady Without a Gentleman

“Not right now.” I said but he persisted like I knew he would, wanting to be the saviour as always.

“Then when are we going to talk about it? We need to, don’t we? We can even see a marriage counselor if you want too. I mean, I...I don’t mind, I don’t mind going.”

“Not right now.” I repeated standing up and leaving the room where I’d been disgraced, and where his shame remained.

“So when?” I heard him yell from behind. Hed just dropped the I fucked around, and it wasnt with you bomb on me and he expected me to talk. No sir, I absolutely do not know how to act any more. This had turned me into a two year old child still learning her ABC's.

“Not right now. Not now.” I said even though I knew he could no longer hear me, before disappearing upstairs to our bed room. After spending some few minutes there I was still alone to my thoughts and what I was getting my hands to do as fast as I could before I exploded. I knew he wouldn’t run after me, he wouldn’t dare. I would kill him; he knew that much about me so he stayed away.

I continued, dumping my iPad into the carry-on bag next and then neatly folding and arranging my outfit for work the next day into my half-filled luggage bag. At one point, I developed a troubling period of emptiness. I knew not what else to stuff inside the twenty-nine inches bag opened on our bed. My life was there, in this home and in this bedroom, but at that moment I knew I didn’t want any trace of me left lingering when he returned to lay his head.

At the fifteen minutes mark, I gave up; zipped the half-filled purple luggage and picked it up effortlessly from the bed. Without another look around the room for what else I needed most to take along, I picked up the carry on bag that now housed my make-up bag and other minor items, and began that terrifying climb down the stairs; afraid I would look back and feel the need to fix our now broken home—immediately

My feet were cold but my heart was boiling but I neither stopped for a glass of water.

When Paul saw me on the lower stair case, I think his heart almost gave out, not mine when I saw the shock in his eyes. He had no clue what to do. He must have wanted to reach out, to touch me, to whisper things to me, to apologize again. But then again had he expected me to stay? Now, I was really hurt. I let him look at me for another second before continuing that walk down.

“We—you—don’t you want to talk about this? I said I’m sorry and—”

And that was all he had. But I had my pride and it told me to keep walking, to keep running and to never look back—immediately. And so I did because, why did I have to sit and confront a grown man about why he betrayed the woman he loves with the one he did not? Why did I have to be the rational one after he allowed all the many “don’t” reasons go to waste when he did what he didn’t have to do? Why did I have to be the one crying in front of him when I’ve done nothing wrong? Why did I have to sit there and watch him defend himself—placing the blame on her who I declined to ask about any further? Why did I have to let him watch me question the woman that I am?

I watched him suggesting counseling as if I was the one who’d fucked up, as if I was the one who forgot our wedding ring and vows in the room he’d committed this common sin—the room where he murdered our marriage. Counseling he said, but only if “you” need it, only if you “want” it.

What I did need him to know was that I didnt need to talk to a professional to fix myself. I was okay and he was not. So I left because the air outside my home was cooler and it made me calmer...


Back-story. I just thought of how when either male or female cheats, the victim is always almost forced to understand.


  1. Wow....the last part gave me goosebumps!!!!
    And unfortunately...this is the sad reality!

  2. oh my
    This is so sad

    But seriously I don't just understand why you will cheat on someone you claim to love exclusively.

  3. My marriage wife is cheating on me with a different guy I have a baby girl with have forgiven her but she has taken that weakness of my love for her as a liability please can someone help I dont know what to do she is still seeing other guys

    1. The only help is to change to her and see her reaction and then if you claim to love her try and find what has been lacking in the marriage and fix it fast cause if one's wife cheat on him it dangerous.


Thank you guys for always reading,